Asking for Help is Not Weakness

When was the last time you asked for help? Asking for help provides insights, can be empowering, and is the first step to moving forward in your journey. Resisting the impulse to ask for help may be strong, but that is often the time when we need the most support. Learning how to ask and accept help can be hard for many people. Here are some ways to improve your skills in asking and accepting help.

Take the First Step

As astronaut Neil Armstrong stated, “That’s one step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Every journey starts with the first step. Asking for help is usually the first step on the road to thriving. Taking the first step, no matter how small, by asking for help is a requirement. No one can help you if they do not know you need help.

Your ask could be as simple as asking someone for a cup of water to help you stay hydrated and elevate some stress. It might be calling a hotline like 2-1-1 to ask about local community resources or 988 to talk about your life’s challenges.

What small step could you take today by asking for help?

Start with your trust circle

Parker J. Palmer, a celebrated author, activist, Founder of the Center for Courage & Renewal, and Ph.D. in sociology from the University of California at Berkeley, created the Circle of Trust approach. The Circle of Trust is a circle or rings of people surrounding you that you trust and bring into confidence. These are people who create safe spaces where open dialogue, sharing, and learning are possible. Where there is a possibility of transformation and deeper connections.

The most trusted circle is your most intimate confidants, usually a child, partner, parent, or sibling. Followed by the next circles in order: friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and finally strangers. Each circle has a different relationship and confidence.

Most of your circles of trust are there to support you and want you to succeed. They are willing to help where they can and would love an opportunity to show your support. However, they cannot help if you do not ask. When asking for help, choosing the right circle of trust can be important based on your ask. Over-asking the same circle of trust can erode relationships.

Be clear, direct, and insistent

When asking for help, be clear about what you need, direct in your request, and insistent on why you need the support right now. Don’t hesitate or be shy. Provide enough detail about your request so they understand your needs without oversharing.  

“I have been struggling with my self-care and need some help. Could you help by reminding me to take a break in the afternoon after lunch? Would you help me get my steps in?”

“My family and I are struggling with transportation to school for the kids since my husband’s work hours changed. Could my kids ride with you home in the afternoons? I can help take both our kids to school?”

“My parents recently passed and I’m struggling to cope. Would you check in on me at least once a week by text? I could use the extra support.”

If you are nervous, you should practice out loud to yourself. Hearing your words out loud makes it real and helps you articulate your ask. It will make you more confident when you finally make your ask.

Give advance notice

Life happens, and sometimes, help is needed immediately due to an emergency. Let’s be honest: Last-minute schedule changes stress everyone out. Also, last-minute requests make it harder to get help due to busy schedules. Where your situation can be helped with some preplanning, others are more willing to help you with your request, and it helps to lower the stress of the ask.

Be authentic and supportive

Being authentic is about vulnerability. Sharing your story, journey, and needs is a vulnerable act and is about trusting another person. Also, taking the time to listen to someone making an ask is being supportive and also showing vulnerability. This level of deeper connections can transform relationships and journeys. It all starts with some compassion, empathy, grace, and patience. For one day, try to both talk and listen to everyone in your life with compassion and empathy by extending patience and grace. Start with yourself that day so you can help others.

These ideas seem simple, but their execution is complex. Let go of unrealistic expectations, fear, shame, and isolation that accompany the vulnerability around asking for help.Release something in your day and ask someone for help. Every small step is one step closer to your goal. When you look back, you will be amazed at your progress. When you do, pause, take a breath, and then celebrate your achievement.